Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize