i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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