My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize