I accidentally burped into my bong.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
