another moral hangover. fuck.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
