Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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