I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
