you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
