Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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