From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Threesome in a minivan. New low
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
