I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
