She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
