I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
