ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
