Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
