He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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