i don't like sucking hair
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
