paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
