Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
