I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
