he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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