I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize