I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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