i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my shit smells like andre
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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