feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
