dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
