In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We have so much sex to catch up on
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
