Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
