I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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