it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
