We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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