I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
