I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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