Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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