I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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