Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
