I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
