Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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