I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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