I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
