It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
