I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Panties = found
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
