Jerry, you need to find god
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
