I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
