we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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