It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
