Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
