Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
