Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
