I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
