i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
