Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's shark week go big or go home
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
