WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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