suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
