i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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