so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
