i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
