tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
