i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
