If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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