so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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