I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
