Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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