I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
