So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
